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Dec. 12th, 2009

24 aka You Embarass My Mother At Dinner Parties

I couldnt wake up everyday the way you do
Feeling so very incredibly sorry for yourself,
You live for sympathy,you get off on guilt
Loyalty is dead and you mourn for it everyday.
Sometimes you make do with self-pity,counting faults on fingers
Your own father was a tragedy seeker,you learned from the best...
I've been told with age comes wisdom
If I asked you to share some,We'd be here for hours
A regurgitated opinion your own father told you in 1957.
Times change,and I live to change as well.
Breaking a vicious tradition,an admiration to a fault.
You believed because his convictions were strong,they were true.
Worst of all (another thing to pity!)
You probably said that you'd change too.

Jul. 21st, 2009

(no subject)

what is your first memory of self-conciousness?

I believe there is a real joy in being a kid.At some point our priorities change.When your kid your number one priority is having fun. Playing with toys,or imaging you were a squirrel.You stop doing these things at some point no matter how fun they are.Someone is watching.You might not look COOL.All of a sudden looking good in the eyes of society becomes numero uno.It is always on peoples minds. The clothes you wear,the car you drive.Personal Taste.Everyones idea of what is the best.always competing! I cant remember the answer to this question.

when did you first try to make a deal with god?
I was big on imagination as a child. I didnt need fancy toys to have fun. All I needed was to be outside and have other kids. I would pile rocks,and all of sudden I had an oven and I could play house.One day me and some other faceless girl decided we would pretend to be sailor scouts.As in Sailor Moon the japanese cartoon. I didnt give two shits about Tuxedo Mask,but you are friggin right I wanted super powers.I wanted to help people.I was sure if God wanted me to help people out so bad,he would leave that littel stick thing they hold when they transform into superhumans.Thats how i knew he was real,and had a plan for me. It never came to me that maybe being a sailor scout was not in the plan. I told him to make it snow when i was in class,and then i would know he heard me and to look behind a particular tree. Yes..it got that elaborate.The sky was clear,although yes it was winter.As i sat in class,sure enough floppy big flakes started to fall and I was so happy.I was stoked.I mean after all I was gonna be a Sailor Scout,and God was real. It never occured to me if I was destined to be a Sailor Scout I would have a two inch waist.But alas,was a surprised when no sailor swords or what have you were found.and thats what really set me off...okay buddy.I see how this is going to be.

Jun. 15th, 2009

the phantom is inside its horrifying right before your eyes

i should have known with a boy like you ...your middle name is "always". id always want you.

May. 22nd, 2009

quotes i like ...more to come

Worry: Interest we pay on trouble before it is due. - John Garland Pollard

Old houses were scaffolding once and workmen whistling.-T. E. Hulme

"A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did?' Don't do that.'" ~Douglas Adams

"A man spends the first year of his life learning that he ends at his own skin, and the rest of his life learning that he doesn't" ~Saul Gorn

"At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it than at any other time." ~Jane Wagner

"The essence of Faith is fewness of words and abundance of deeds...". -Baha'u'llah

"I may not agree with what you say,but i will fight to the death for your right to say it."

"Life is pain and anyone who tells you different is selling something." -The princess bride



May. 20th, 2009


really now!?
do they all need to rhyme?
follow strict meter
pattern and time
to be considered beautiful?
I care more of
emotion or progression
its true!
It can be different for me
or more disciplined for you!!


your just like a big
spindley old tree
one the means alot to me

its almost autumn
and your the only one
left in your park
with leaves

you lived a good life
many have lived by and on
your branches

where will all those leaves go?
into dirt and compost
and memories I'll hold on to


I would rather not worry
about bills and friends
keeping up appearances
the look of love
to be or not to be
what was or ought to be
but if i could choose
just where my thoughts go
id spend less time
eyeing the way down to the ground
from my window

May. 19th, 2009

blind item

I tried very hard to change mind frames
I got over fears of fires and bees
I pulled all  the heads
from the chives
had dirt on my knees
from digging in my garden
out of breath from running
with the lambs
I faced spiders and learned
to love the land I lived on
and still though my heart
was reunited and a light
filled me that was gone
and yet you still questioned
my commitment
and looked past my
glazed eyes

Apr. 13th, 2009

April 12

Last night i had a dream it was all a mistake,quite literally a grave misunderstanding.You were not really dead and you werent at all sad,In fact we lived together and you were still mad.We had gone through the ceremonies and cried.Maybe you were away on vacation but you sure hadnt died!It wasnt easy to communicate,it was not water under the bridge (like i had thought).And in this dream,and in real life I thought of a million things I would say to you if you just came back and i knew where to start.But since in dream you hadn't passed things remained the same and unsaid.And even in my dream i analyzed.This dream is a warning not to make the same mistake again.On the bus yesterday i was wondering what I was suppose to take or learn from death but I anwsered on my own.

Mar. 30th, 2009

May 15 2008

im not sure if i already posted this,but its a song i wrote and for you today it can be a poem.

the greatest piece of advice
I ever recieved
was to live lovingly
and treat yourself accordingly

oh me

who needs another enemy?
you were so good to me
so i guess i'll just learn to have to be
as a matter of necessity
or id feel it'd be the death of me
i wont entertain one more negative thought
but oh what a loss

oh me

so science says you cant come back to me
and now your free from your body
off in space,or in a place nobody knows about
you made me brave
or were you why i was afraid?

i just need to be at ease

oh me

oh me

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